March 9th – Imponderabilia - Preshow Press/Dress Rehearsal

Words can only describe the confluence of these experiences with partial justice.

Standing as a gateway to the exhibit we face one another: two performers, an exhibition of onlookers, sounds, sensations, relationships. Our eyes are with one another. Our bodies mirror one another. Individuals pass between us. Our eyes separate in unison, acknowledging the individual passing between us and our gaze is available to them. They rarely receive eye contact. They tend to pass quickly between us. Most face her as they are forced slightly sideways to pass between the space we create. Our eyes return to one another – streams returning to a river. Influence - not one, not two, but something bigger - confluence.
Breath and breathing - the rhythmic flow of air grounds me as my perceptions of reality play between distracted thought and unified awareness of surrounding phenomena.

My circulation is challenged by the cold of the gallery. Circulation is also challenged by mental distractions. Disassociated thoughts take me elsewhere. Flow is interrupted. Restrictions result. Tensions of breath, blood, perception and energy assert themselves and my conception of the moment loses unified focus.
Allow the knees to feel breath and move blood. Feel the feet past the floor. Feel past the tips of the fingers. Breath expansively and softly. Whole body at once. Allow her gaze to mirror mine. Two bodies at once. Oppositional directions simultaneously. Allow space to reveal the immensity of relationship. Allow the breadth of relationship to suspend me. "What if “I” is outside of “me”?" The unanswerable question supports me. Find support in relationship. I am the exhibit. The exhibit supports me. We are the exhibit. I find release, suspension, movement, and greater circulation through the free flow of my attentions. Breath, blood, energy, perceptions and thought move more freely when I perceive the shifting reality surrounding us. The awareness of relationship frees me from tension: a centering periphery of sensation, a tapestry of shifting sounds, layers of Marina's recorded voice through the thick background, bodies weaving through the gallery, video light playing again and again and again. I release into and find support through my perceptions of the spaces between movement, sound and light.

Have I been blinking?

We are always facing one another, breathing together, shifting, small dancing and never losing eye contact except when someone steps between. We are always available to receive their gaze. They rarely make eye contact.

It must be towards the end of our time. She reaches out for me. I briefly hold her forearm as we maintain eye contact. Her eyes roll, knees buckle, body falls past mine and I reach for her neck as her knees hit the ground. I lower her to the floor and am unstable myself. Her eyes are open, but she is not present. Heartbeats…her eyes don’t land, don’t focus, another breath and she sees me. She regains composure as I hold her hand. We are told ten minutes till the trial exhibition is over for today. Pause. We make another attempt and stand facing and holding one another. We are a gateway which ourselves pass through. We make eye contact. We break eye contact. Pause. We attempt again. The exhibition is over for today and I find I am warmer then I previously perceived.

Three months to go, four pieces to inhabit.